emotional change

Navigating Sudden Change

Tina Azaria

You know how it is. You’re flowing along in life’s stream when suddenly there’s a fork in the river and the current forces you into a direction that’s not exactly of your choosing. It’s moving so fast that all you can do is surrender and hold on for the ride. It’s a fact that Life may, at times, push you in a direction you had not expected or decidedly did not want to go. I know it’s happened to me many times before, and it’s happening to me once again.

So, how do you navigate the surprising and sudden turns in life course?

RiverFirst, stay present with what’s happening.

As hard as it may be to stay in the present moment, it is essential when life throws you those big curve balls. The worst thing you can do is deny, avoid, or try to escape from what’s happening. Stay grounded in your body and be sure to mindfully (and heartfully) tend to your basic needs. It may sound obvious, but in times of heightened stress, it can be easy to forget or neglect proper nourishment, rest, and the tools that keep us in balance such as meditation and exercise. At times of increased anxiety, overwhelm, confusion, etc. these things become more essential than ever. A good practice is to take a deep breath, bring awareness into your body and ask yourself “What do I need right now?” Then listen and lovingly respond.

Next, allow yourself to feel, express, and release your emotions (in a healthy way, of course – no yelling at the neighbors or kicking computers, please.)

It’s essential that you honor your emotional state by simply letting yourself feel how you feel, without judging, analyzing, or fixing. If you feel numb from the shock of sudden events, it can help to talk to someone you trust and feel comfortable with, or ask them for a hug if you can’t find words. Sometimes hearing ourselves say something out loud, or feeling a loving embrace, can thaw frozen emotions. You can also use writing, art, movement, and sound to help you express and release emotions you may not yet have words for. The point is, do not stuff, numb, or push away your feelings. Doing so will increase the sense of pressure and may lead to inappropriate emotional outbursts or somatic complaints such as headaches. If you need help with this, don’t hesitate to find a professional to work with.

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Change and Fear

Tina Azaria

Shy Girl_SplitShire_IMG_3387-800x500In order to transform life into its highest and best version, we must first face and overcome any fears and resistances we have around change. That may seem obvious, but I can’t tell you how many times clients come to see me wanting a big change in their life, like in a job or a relationship, yet they are surprised and at times reluctant to make the changes that will begin shifting their situation.

I get it.  Change can mean letting go of our familiar fall-back positions. It often means moving beyond the choices and habits that feel safe and comfortable, even when they’re getting in our way. Who can’t relate to that? Let’s face it, change can bring some temporary discomfort. That’s why I always remind folks (including myself) that the rewards on the other side of it are worth it. And hey, life will bring change whether we want it or not, so why not learn to dance with it as gracefully as we can.

Embrace the Transition

While I truly believe that change doesn’t have to be hard, it does mean we have to enter into a state of transition. And transition always carries an element of uncertainty. That can be exciting, unsettling, and sometimes scary. Have you ever desperately wanted a big life change, but then when face to face with it, you end up shrinking back into your comfort zone, or worse, begin clinging desperately to the very things you are trying to rid yourself of? (Like a dysfunctional relationship or addictive habit).

SplitShire_OnEdge_IMG_8282-800x500Be Ready to Risk & Trust

Time and again, I find that fear is most often the dominant underlying block to moving forward and creating what we truly desire. Change involves risk and trust – even when there’s no evidence to warrant it. Risking and trusting can be scary business. And they’re also a necessary part of real and lasting change.

Express & Release Emotions

The truth of the matter is, when we’re in the process of changing, we have to let go of the old, and that can bring up emotions like fear, sadness, and anger. Our emotions have to be felt and released in order to move the energy bound up in them. Sometimes we require a container of safety in order to drop in, feel our emotions and express and release them. A lot of things can act as a container, such as a present and caring listener, art processes and being in nature, to name a few.

Change is natural. It can be experienced as difficult, scary, and even painful but it doesn’t have to be. If we do not resist it, if we embrace it and allow ourselves to be present with all of the emotions, sensations and experiences, then the discomfort will pass much quicker, much easier, and without the drama.  Resistance is exhausting and frustrating. I know this all too well.

Listen to Your Intuition

Once you experience ‘taking the leap’ forward into the unknown, you find that you will get through it, and it’s usually not as bad as imagined. And if you don’t resist the internal prompts and intuitive hunches that are there to guide you, you will end up in a much better place than where you started.

For myself, I find that once I get through the discomfort of letting go of the old and I drop in and allow the feelings of disorientation and uncertainty that accompany transition, I find I always end up in a better place, internally, and often externally when the new finally arrives.

Metanoia – Huh?

Tina Azaria

Wishing WellI was recently at a Michale Meade retreat in Vashon, WA (amazing!) The retreat opened with participants being asked to choose from descriptions (and altars) of 3 elements – Water, Earth, Fire. My comfort zone, the places I know best are Earth and Fire (I’m a Capricorn, Aries, Leo for those who care). But every bone in my body said “choose water.” So I did.

Next step was picking a stick from bowls placed on the altars of the respective elements. There were words (relating to the element, in my case, water) written on the back of the sticks, hidden from view. It was reaching into the mystery and seeing what came. I picked the METANOIA stick. Meta-what? I’d seen and heard the word before, but had no idea what it meant.

Michael said the ritual represents “choosing” (the element) and then “being chosen…” and added “beyond one’s ability to choose.” Nice. So I chose water, then metanoia chose me. (This process ultimately divided us into meal groups – shout out to my fellow metanoians.) So what the heck is metanoia? He wouldn’t tell us, and told us not to look it up and let it unfold. (Someone looked it up any way, and found definitions such as radical change and a complete reversal of direction.)

When I got home I read about it and extrapolated this from what I learned:

So What is Metatnoia?

Breakdown leading to rebuilding or healing. (Ah, the alchemical negredo. I know this energy.)

From the ancient Greek – meta meaning beyond or after and noeo, meaning perception, understanding or mind. Whoa.

It goes on from there…”a change of mind, a change in the trend and action of the whole inner nature, intellectual, effectual, and moral.” “Transmutation of consciousness.” “To express that mighty change in mind, heart and life wrought by the spirit of god.” “A cosmic shift in mind and heart.” “Change in character and purpose.” “Profound, usually spiritual transformation.”  That sounds deep. And mysterious. I’m intrigued to see how this unfolds and shows up in the coming months.

I saw another definition connecting it back to water: “baptized to show they were changing their hearts and their lives.” More watery initiation Hmmm….

Pipe Ceremony

Photo by Debra Goldman

I did have a watery (emotional) opening at the retreat that was surprising and very deep for my psyche.  It came again from the body. I twisted my ankle on slippery wet rocks, and the physical pain brought vulnerability that cracked me wide open. It did feel like another step in my soul’s initiation.

I shared deep stuff, I cried, I spoke a commitment (into a large room of mostly strangers) to dedicate myself to my creative work, and specifically, getting that book of poems (that’s been forming for over a decade OMG!) published and out into the world. This is the year. OK.

We’ll see how this unfolds…