It’s OK to Pause

November 13, 2014November 24, 2015Tina Azaria

girl on chair Today I spoke with a close friend who is in the depths of grieving the sudden death of a loved one. It’s such a poignant reminder of the fragility of life, the preciousness of love and the strength and vulnerability of the human spirit.

As we spoke she shared her deep desire to take time away from her responsibilities to grieve and heal. Yet, she’s experiencing internal and external pressure to “buck up” and keep going when what she really needs is to pause and integrate a significant loss.

During times of difficulty, it’s a natural response to want to withdraw from life’s demands and focus on matters of the heart and soul. We shouldn’t need permission to do this, but unfortunately, we live in a culture that doesn’t understand the importance of pausing (unless we need to pee during our favorite show).

It’s OK to Pause

I am reminding myself, as I’m reminding her, that it’s OK to pause, to step back from keeping up appearances, holding it all together and making sure that everyone else is taken care of. Sometimes we need to shut the world out and focus on self. I’ve noticed how hard it is for those of us who live in societies that glorify extroversion. Extroversion certainly has its place, but it can’t be center stage all the time without creating imbalance.

Why do so many of us feel guilt about slowing down, stepping back and taking care of deeper, less “worldly” aspects of our selves? We know our time here is precious, yet so often we sacrifice it to an ongoing stream of demands which hold very little lasting meaning.

Take Time to Rest and Replenish

Studies show that slowing down the pace of life helps to lower the risk of high blood pressure, improve relationships and even extend life.We know from research, but more importantly from experience, that it’s imperative to hit the pause button, to make time to rest and take care of ourselves. We have to regularly replenish in order to truly show up and to sustain output. It’s that simple. So why do some people seem so perplexed and even dismayed when we do it? Is it that they too long for a pause, but don’t yet know how to?

Be a Self Care Role Model

When we take time and expend resources on self-care, we’re not only ensuring our own well-being, we’re also role modeling an important lesson to those around us, especially our children. When we openly and unabashedly demonstrate the importance of regular time for introversion, rest and self care, (not only during crises, but on a regular basis) we’re creating a real-time antidote to the stress-inducing frenzy of a results-at-all-costs culture.

When we halt and become fully present in our lives and relationships, we experience more depth and meaning in the string of moments that make up our lives. When we care for our deeper yet more elusive psychological, emotional and spiritual needs, we unwittingly give others permission to do the same. And in the end, everyone benefits.

It’s OK to pause, to rest and take care of yourself when you need to. There’s time. The world and its demands will still be here when you’re replenished and ready to return. I can promise you that.

Change and Fear

October 1, 2014November 24, 2015Tina Azaria

Shy Girl_SplitShire_IMG_3387-800x500 In order to transform life into its highest and best version, we must first face and overcome any fears and resistances we have around change. That may seem obvious, but I can’t tell you how many times clients come to see me wanting a big change in their life, like in a job or a relationship, yet they are surprised and at times reluctant to make the changes that will begin shifting their situation.

I get it. Change can mean letting go of our familiar fall-back positions. It often means moving beyond the choices and habits that feel safe and comfortable, even when they’re getting in our way. Who can’t relate to that? Let’s face it, change can bring some temporary discomfort. That’s why I always remind folks (including myself) that the rewards on the other side of it are worth it. And hey, life will bring change whether we want it or not, so why not learn to dance with it as gracefully as we can.

Embrace the Transition

While I truly believe that change doesn’t have to be hard, it does mean we have to enter into a state of transition. And transition always carries an element of uncertainty. That can be exciting, unsettling, and sometimes scary. Have you ever desperately wanted a big life change, but then when face to face with it, you end up shrinking back into your comfort zone, or worse, begin clinging desperately to the very things you are trying to rid yourself of? (Like a dysfunctional relationship or addictive habit).

SplitShire_OnEdge_IMG_8282-800x500 Be Ready to Risk & Trust

Time and again, I find that fear is most often the dominant underlying block to moving forward and creating what we truly desire. Change involves risk and trust – even when there’s no evidence to warrant it. Risking and trusting can be scary business. And they’re also a necessary part of real and lasting change.

Express & Release Emotions

The truth of the matter is, when we’re in the process of changing, we have to let go of the old, and that can bring up emotions like fear, sadness, and anger. Our emotions have to be felt and released in order to move the energy bound up in them. Sometimes we require a container of safety in order to drop in, feel our emotions and express and release them. A lot of things can act as a container, such as a present and caring listener, art processes and being in nature, to name a few.

Change is natural. It can be experienced as difficult, scary, and even painful but it doesn’t have to be. If we do not resist it, if we embrace it and allow ourselves to be present with all of the emotions, sensations and experiences, then the discomfort will pass much quicker, much easier, and without the drama. Resistance is exhausting and frustrating. I know this all too well.

Listen to Your Intuition

Once you experience ‘taking the leap’ forward into the unknown, you find that you will get through it, and it’s usually not as bad as imagined. And if you don’t resist the internal prompts and intuitive hunches that are there to guide you, you will end up in a much better place than where you started.

For myself, I find that once I get through the discomfort of letting go of the old and I drop in and allow the feelings of disorientation and uncertainty that accompany transition, I find I always end up in a better place, internally, and often externally when the new finally arrives.